Why Perfectionism is a Risk Factor for a Harder Postpartum
We often celebrate the "Type A" woman. She’s the one with the color-coded nursery, the perfectly packed hospital bag, and a birth plan that covers every contingency. In many areas of life, these high standards are a superpower. But when it comes to the postpartum period, research suggests that a perfectionistic mindset can actually make the transition to motherhood much more difficult.
At VeedaMom, we want to peel back the label of "perfectionism" to see why it creates such a heavy burden for new mothers and how we can start to let it go.
The Research: Why Perfectionism Increases Risk
Psychological studies, including research published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, have identified a clear link between certain types of perfectionism and Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs).
Therapists often categorize perfectionism into two groups:
Perfectionistic Strivings: Setting high goals for yourself (this can be healthy).
Perfectionistic Concerns: A deep-seated fear of making mistakes and a belief that your value as a person depends on being "flawless."
It is the second group that acts as a risk factor for a harder postpartum experience. One study found that mothers who score high in "concern over mistakes" are significantly more likely to experience major postpartum depression. When your self-worth is tied to everything going "right," the inherent messiness of a newborn feels like a personal failure rather than a normal part of the process.
The "Control Paradox"
Postpartum is, by definition, uncontrollable. You can’t control when the baby sleeps, how they feed, or how your body heals. No matter what the books and the sleep specialists tell you.
For a perfectionist, this lack of control triggers an internal alarm.
Instead of leaning into the chaos, perfectionism pushes you to try harder to control things. This leads to:
Hyper-vigilance: Constantly checking the monitor or obsessing over feeding ounces.
Refusing Help: Feeling like you "should" be able to do it all yourself, and that asking for help is an admission of defeat.
The Comparison Trap: Looking at curated social media feeds and assuming everyone else is "doing it better."
Moving Toward "Good Enough"
In therapy, we often talk about the concept of the "Good Enough Mother," which is a term coined by D.W. Winnicott.
Being a “good enough” mother does not mean that you’re lowering your standards to a point of neglect. It does mean that you realize that your baby doesn’t need a perfect mother, but they do need a regulated, present one.
This concept inspired further research, which found that you only have to make the right decision 30% of the time to develop secure attachment. So, if you feel like you’re failing at being a mother, likely, that’s still “good enough.” That means that yes, you will mess up. And yes, you will make mistakes throughout the entire journey that is motherhood. However, if you’re worried about it, you’re likely doing okay.
Research shows that self-compassion is the direct antidote to the harms of perfectionism. When we replace the "shoulds" with "it's okay that this is hard," we lower our cortisol levels and make space for actual bonding.
A Note from VeedaMom
If you find yourself spiraling because the house is messy or the baby is crying despite your best efforts, remember: The "mistakes" you are worried about are often just the reality of parenting.
We built the VeedaMom daily check-in to help you see these patterns. When you log your mood and see a trend of high anxiety tied to "doing things perfectly," it’s an invitation to pause, breathe, and remember that you are doing a great job, even in the middle of the mess.
FAQ
Does perfectionism cause postpartum depression?
While it is not the sole cause, research identifies perfectionism—specifically a high concern over making mistakes—as a significant psychological risk factor that can predict higher levels of postpartum depression and anxiety.
What is the "Good Enough Mother" concept?
Coined by pediatrician Donald Winnicott, it suggests that a mother who "fails" to meet every single need perfectly actually helps her child develop healthy independence, as long as the child's basic needs for love and safety are met.