Why Parenting Advice Can Make You Feel Worse (And What to Trust Instead)
If you’re a parent today, especially a new or postpartum parent, you’re probably surrounded by advice. Advice comes from all over: family, friends, doctors, influencers, books, podcasts, strangers, media, and so much more.
Some of it is well-meaning, a lot of it becomes contradictory, and most of it leaves parents feeling more anxious, less confident, and further from themselves than before. We are more connected than we ever have been, yet the day-to-day can still feel so lonely and isolating.
If parenting advice often makes you feel worse instead of better, there’s a reason for that (and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.)
Advice Isn’t Neutral
Parenting advice is often framed as helpful information or feedback, but advice always carries something else with it: an implied message about what you should be doing.
Even subtle suggestions can land as:
“You’re missing something.”
“You’re not doing this quite right.”
“There’s a better way than what you’re doing.”
In the postpartum period when parents are already exhausted, hormonally vulnerable, and adjusting to massive identity shifts, this can quietly erode confidence.
Instead of helping parents tune into their babies and themselves, too much advice pulls attention outward.
When Advice Overwhelms, Intuition Gets Quieter
One of the less talked about effects of advice overload is that it can disconnect parents from their own instincts.
When you’re constantly checking:
what the book says
what social media recommends
what worked for someone else
it becomes harder to hear your own internal cues.
Many parents then come to believe:
“If I were a good parent, I’d already know what to do.”
In reality, your instincts when you become a parent are stronger than ever, even if it doesn’t feel like you know what you’re doing.
The Problem Is Advice Overload
Good support doesn’t overwhelm, flood, or demand constant correction.
In fact, some of the most influential thinkers in early childhood development believed that too much instruction interferes with natural caregiving.
Parents don’t need to be micromanaged into competence. They need space, reassurance, and trust… especially when they’re already doing their best under imperfect conditions.
Why Advice Often Feels Worse Than No Support at All
Advice can feel particularly painful when:
you didn’t ask for it
it ignores your context
it contradicts what feels right to you
it arrives without emotional attunement
What parents often need first is not information, but containment:
Someone to listen
Someone to say, “That makes sense”
Someone who doesn’t rush to fix
Without that emotional grounding, advice can land as pressure instead of help.
What to Trust Instead of Endless Advice
Instead of asking, “What’s the right advice?” a more supportive question is often, “What feels right for us?”
Here are some things worth trusting:
Your growing familiarity with your baby
Your emotional reactions (they’re information, not failures)
Your sense of when something feels off
Your need for rest, support, or boundaries
Parenting is all about developing and nurturing a relationship with you child, yourself, and your family. That relationship grows through experience, not perfection.
How to Use Advice Without Letting It Undermine You
Advice doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing.
Here are some guidelines that can help decide which advice is worth listening to:
Take in advice slowly, not compulsively
Notice how your body reacts to it (relief vs tension matters)
Keep what resonates; let go of what doesn’t
Remember that advice reflects someone else’s context, not yours
You’re allowed to disagree with others, change your mind, and trust yourself. Take what helps and let go of the rest.
The Kind of Support That Actually Helps
Support that strengthens parents tends to:
build confidence, not dependency
reflect rather than instruct
offer presence before solutions
respect that parents already know more than they think
When support is done well, it helps restore a parent’s intuition.
Reminder
If you feel worse after taking in advice, it often means:
you’re overloaded
you’re trying too hard to do it “right”
you’re not being given enough space to be yourself
At this point, you don’t need more or better advice. You need to take a moment to check-in with yourself and listen to your own intuition.
FAQ
Why does parenting advice make me anxious?
Because constant advice can imply judgment, increase self-doubt, and overwhelm decision-making, especially during vulnerable periods like postpartum or periods of transition and major change.
Is it okay to ignore parenting advice?
Yes. A resounding yes. You’re allowed to take what feels helpful and leave the rest. Advice is optional, not mandatory.
How do I trust my intuition as a parent?
Start by noticing your reactions, slowing down input, and giving yourself permission to experiment. Trust builds through experience, not certainty. It also helps to be mindful of what you’re taking in and have a few trusted sources you can go to for advice when you need it.
Does too much advice affect new moms differently?
Yes. Postpartum parents can be especially vulnerable to advice overload due to hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and social pressure. Too much advice can also strongly hit moms who have perfectionism tendencies because they inadvertently can absorb advice as expectations from others and internalize it.